CONFESSION TIME

CONFESSION TIME

Agoraphobia:
I have this.
I hide it to the best of my ability.
I have never before admitted it exactly.

Also social phobia / avoidant personality disorder.

But not because I fear criticism. I just get anxiety leaving the house or being around too many people. I do not know WHY but I was diagnosed with severe PTSD by 3 different doctors, so I guess that is a factor- I never was like this until after my middle son's death (Rest in peace, Micheal <3 ), and even then I still went out a lot for a time, but it faded slowly. I think I was trying to distract myself from the pain and I went way overboard and burned out.

I had (Rest in peace, Eva <3 ) another friend who also lost her son - one time we were out at a party and I saw her blank stare. I pegged it immediately - So I said, "isn't it weird to be in a room filled with awesome friends and still feel utterly ALONE?" She looked shocked and then she said "YES"! No one had related that to her before and finally someone understood it.

Bad relationships and other traumas added to it, so it has developed over these past 10 years or so. I have been told I should get group therapy, hahahaha. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? It is hard to leave the house, much less subject myself to a group of strangers. The ONLY exception is church at night. Comforting, healing, and a small group that I only feel love with. <3

If I venture out, I have to "gear up" for it. Then I can't handle more than just a short time of being out someplace. MANY times I freak out and talk myself out of going. I hate to admit that, but it happens, a lot.

I am thankful for patient, understanding friends and family who love me anyway even if they don't understand what is going on. Most do not know what is going on with me, but if they're on FB, and read this, then they will, and they probably "suspected" something like this.
.......................................................................................................................
Symptoms of agoraphobia
The symptoms and signs of agoraphobia may include:

*anxiety in response to being away from an environment that feels ‘safe’

*panic attack including symptoms such as breathlessness, sweating, dizziness, fast heart rate, choking sensations, nausea, and feelings of extreme fear or dread

*anticipation of anxiety if the person is required to leave their safe environment

*low self-esteem and loss of self-confidence

*reluctance to leave the house or venture beyond familiar surrounds

*depression, which can sometimes accompany the condition.

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